positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
