i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
