I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
