its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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