White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i think my cat just said my name.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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