If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
from now on my penis is your penis
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
