New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
