I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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