I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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