I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She's the barista slut.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
