I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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