This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
