HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
