from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
