Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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