i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
