fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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