some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
