Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
