Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
4 words: hood of his car
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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