were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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