I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
