in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
