If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
