My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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