I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
did i just pee glitter
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
