wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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