I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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