i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
