You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
40s are totally the cure
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
