you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize