i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Non-Jews are for practice
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
