just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize