glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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