last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
