Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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