her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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