my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
