The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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