Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
