Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
