So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Pooping to opera.
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