his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
