Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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