I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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