You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
