Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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