He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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