Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(801): View more from Utah

My underwear smells like fireworks.

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(619): View more from California

Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep

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(803): View more from South Carolina

When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.

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(573): View more from Missouri

My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.

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(917): View more from New York City

I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend

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(317): View more from Indiana

I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town

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