the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
