her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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