1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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