Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
