Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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