Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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