Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
