I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
