haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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