I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
