remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
