It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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