my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need water and some morals
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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