apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We left the knife in your bed.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
