I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
