he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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