toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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