just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
