____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
