Even the bartender felt bad for me
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
