I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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