We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
