I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
