NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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