so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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